March Focus: How to Separate Intrusive Thoughts from Your True Self

As we continue our month-long focus on intrusive thoughts, it becomes clear just how much these unwelcome cognitive intruders can muddy the waters between fiction and reality. Many individuals with anxiety initially struggle with the fear that these thoughts might somehow reflect true desires or intentions. Yet, part of the healing journey involves learning how to distinguish these thoughts from genuine wants and to reduce the distress they can cause.

Intrusive Thoughts Are Not Desires: One of the most critical distinctions I help clients understand is that intrusive thoughts are not a reflection of what we truly want. The very fact that these thoughts are distressing and at odds with one's values is a primary indicator that they are not desires. For instance, a loving parent who experiences a fleeting thought of harm coming to their child is horrified by the thought because it is the antithesis of their true feelings.

Intrusive Thoughts Are Not Predictive: Another key point is that intrusive thoughts are not predictive of future actions. Just because a thought enters your mind does not mean it will come to fruition. It does not indicate an increased likelihood of acting in a way that is inconsistent with your values or past behavior.

Strategies to Differentiate Intrusive Thoughts from Reality

Mindful Observation: One effective strategy is practicing mindful observation—an approach where thoughts are observed without judgment or engagement. By doing so, one can create distance from the intrusive thought, acknowledging its presence like a cloud passing in the sky, ultimately letting it go without emotional entanglement.

Reality Testing: Reality testing is another powerful tool used in therapy. It involves challenging the validity of the intrusive thought by examining the evidence. When engaged in this process, clients generally find a lack of proof supporting the distressing thought, reinforcing the concept that these thoughts are not grounded in reality.

Thought Records: Keeping a thought record is a cognitive-behavioral technique that can help identify and understand patterns in thinking. By documenting intrusive thoughts along with the emotions and reactions they provoke, clients can start to see the disconnect between these thoughts and their actual behavior or desires.

Therapeutic Dialogue: In therapy sessions, engaging in an open dialogue about intrusive thoughts can provide immense relief. It affords individuals the opportunity to express their fears in a safe space and receive reassurance that their experiences are not uncommon or indicative of hidden intentions.

Moving Forward with Confidence

It's important to recognize that differentiating intrusive thoughts from reality is a skill that takes time to develop. Patience and compassion towards oneself are vital components of this process. With practice and guidance, individuals can learn to navigate the landscapes of their minds with more clarity, peace, and confidence.

If you find yourself struggling to manage your intrusive thoughts, I encourage you to reach out to a mental health provider who utilizes Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy (ERP) - the gold standard care for intrusive thoughts, and OCD. Remember, the goal of treatment is not to eliminate these thoughts entirely—which is an unrealistic expectation given their commonality in the human experience—but to change your relationship with them.

 As we close this month's focus, I encourage anyone who recognizes themselves in these words to reach out for support. Together, we can continue to demystify the nature of intrusive thoughts and fortify the bridges that lead us back from fictional fears to our shared reality.

Additional resources to learn more about intrusive thoughts, treatment, and strategies:

The Intrusive Thoughts Toolkit: Quick Relief for Obsessive, Unwanted, or Disturbing Thoughts - Hershfield, Winston, Seif, Pittman, Karle, Knaus, Shannon, Carbonell, & Johnson (2023)

NOCD - Help get connected to a licensed ERP-trained therapist

The OCD Stories - Podcast focused on bringing education and awareness to OCD